It's all my fault.

If i could just stop being so stupid, everything would be fine.
If i could have stopped myself in time and made sure that no one knew anything, it would have just been perfect. Why is it that i get affected so easily? I don't think i'm normal. Everytime i see something and i'm not happy, i get annoyed and moody, and i vent my anger on people who've done nothing wrong. I vent it on people who have been nice enough not to show me they're annoyed or disturbed. I'm really really sorry, thats the only thing i can say. There's nothing else i can do. It's not like life comes with a rewind button attached. It's unfair. If only i could learn to control myself better, and not let my emotions show so outwardly, then everything would be fine. It's true. There is no point in saying sorry anymore, cause it's been one time too many, anyone would have gotten annoyed. But thanks for hanging on for so long. I'm sure anyone else would have just lost it after the first few times. It's my fault that when i try to forget you, i end up trying to hate you in order to do that, and it shows, so obviously. I know life's been tough, and i've been a reason why it sucks so badly. I really don't know what else i can do.
Can you give me another chance?
Please.

And it feels like tonight.
I can't believe I'm broken inside.
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you?
And it feels like tonight,
Tonight.

Mindless, Senseless Ramble.

If you think you have the heart and the mind to read what's coming up, go ahead.
I really wonder what great wrong i've done to deserve this. This isn't fair. Why is it that someone or the other has to involve themselves and complicate matters for everyone?
Okay, i should stop, i sound like a stupid emo bitch.
Not that i'm not a stupid emo bitch.
What is this skin i've been wearing for the past few weeks? This isn't me. This is someone else who wants whatever she wants in life. Today i realised this is never possible. Not when you have such good 'friends', if you know what i mean. On the other hand, i really do appreciate the rest i have. Thanks Rachel and Dai, for being there and letting me cry on your shoulders. Today made it really clear to me what real friendship is. It's not sitting next to you all the time, or lending you their chem homework so you could copy. It's more than that. And i have found true friends, some which last. Everything that i thought was true is at the brink of breaking. It hangs by a tiny fraying thread, soon enough, it'll break and i'll lose all hope in the matter.
I have to turn back the clock, and be who i was without this stupid skin on. Yet, changes have to be made. I'm all confused.
ENOUGH OF THIS MINDLESS RAMBLE.
Someone save me please.

Welcome to the life on the roller coaster.

Life's really like a roller coaster.
Today was such a good day, although it started out with me feeling really terrible.
Let's skip the terrible part.
Lunch lightened up everything. Thanks to dearest Xinyun who made me forget all my sorrows and laugh like a mad idiot in the middle of the canteen. And yes, to Gino, CHEER UP and ignore whatever's bothering you.
Chem practical was alright, except the Potassium Manganate Solution kept spilling and made my brown hands browner. Math was alright and i was happy cause i could solve the questions. After that, had quite a nice chat with Dai and then consoled Shufen cause stress was catching up with her. Shufen, if you're reading this, I love you so much and i'll always be here for you no matter what! (: Yes, then went opposite with Dai to get drinks and we were slightly late for stageband. OHNOO.
First part of stageband was well, enlightening. And the script's gonna be changed again, and i think it'll turn out great, hopefully. After that we went out to rehearse and this is when the fun begins. With me violently manhandling May, to weird dancing and crazy fight scenes. Ohmy,i just hope everything turns out fun and we'll all have the time of our lives on the day! (:

Thank you God for the wonderful day. (:

Today was..
I'm lost for words. The first half of the day was fine, lunch was really really fun, band was alright, watching stageband videos was hilarious, hymn was emotive, and after that everything went downhill. When i read that sms i was really really annoyed, and somehow i just felt like crying. I'm blessed to have so many friends that care so much. I love you all (:

Yes, why is it that i'm not happy you ask?
Everyone deserves a chance to be sad.
There are bound to be unhappy times in life.

You all know this is not what i really want to say.

I've forgotten how it feels like.

You know, i just want to quit school, learn cooking and get married.

I'm serious, but it'll never happen. My parents would never let me quit school, and why not i say? Why not? Education till Primary Six is the bare minimum, and i daresay it's enough. At least for me. I mean look at me, being in school hasn't really done me any good. I don't feel like i learn anything during lessons, and what is Redox reactions going to help me in? I seriously need to rethink my priorities.

Yes, i'm feeling the tuesday blues. Today was the ultimate sucky day. Swimming was fun and all, but Lit was torturous and so was everything else. But, yes, be proud of me, I attended every single one of my tutorials today. And it feels good not to pon. Yes, so that means i AM going for chem tomorrow. I want to go for the AJ concert, but no one wants to go with me. I must go support Fatmah, the lizard keeper. Oh i miss her so much.

Speaking of missing people, i miss last year very badly. I want to go back to that life where you had a fun class and a group of people you can lean on and share all your troubles with. Compared to now, last year seems like heaven. I have no idea why, but this year is something like a non-stop continuous sine graph, where things get real good, the plumet down to eart, and then get real good again, and then, yes you guessed it, slides right back down through the hole in the sky. It's getting annoying.

Why can't i just leave a normal, happy life? Why can't i be a super genious at something and not have to work hard for everything? I'm just lazy, and getting tired of this life. I need a vacation, a REAL vacation. I just need to spend quality time with so many people. I have so many things to talk about with so many people.

Thinking of jumping off a building? Think again. Life might just be worth it.

I've left and come back on a jet plane!

OMG.
India was AMAZING. (:
I'm really lazy to go through a day-by-day analysis. And, the worst part is, I HAVE NO PICTURES. Maybe a few random ones on my phone, BUT NO REAL, NICE POSEY PICTURES. And why? Cause my camera's dead, and i haven't gotten a new one. Well, lemme just list out the things that made me reallly enjoy the trip.
1) It rained on the day we left, and we all know why, at least i do! (:
2) My mum got me Emporio Armani Diamonds (it's a perfume.) on the plane to B'lore. (:
3) We stayed at Leela Palace, which is like so totally AWESOME. (:
4) I got to meet all my cousins/aunts/uncles from my mum's side that i havent met in a million years. (:
5) We went shopping so vigourously. Like, the whole of Friday was just shopping till we felt like dropping and popping on the bed! (:
6) I got 4 sets of pretty new clothes with accessories and everything. (:
7) The wedding was so nice and pretty with loads of dancing and eating! (:
8) The night after the wedding was such a big partayeee with people playing random games and us having loads of fun! (:
9) The 'rest' day after the wedding was spent going out with cousins and touring Bangalore and getting stuff for people! (:
10) Flying back alone was so fun cause i had like 9 seats for myself! (:
But yes, i miss all of them back at India right now and i wish i never had to come back. ):
But i did miss those in Singapore too, so in a way i'm glad to be back.
AND OH MY GOD, THERE'S SCHOOL TOMORROW.
There was no life in your voice though, and i'm sad by the words you spoke.